IF YOU ARE SINGLE, WIDOWED or DIVORCED and are interested in reading smart tips, talk, and research on dating and the Single life, I’m glad you’re here!
When I ask people if they’re dating, I get an interesting mix of reactions. I hear, “It’s hopeless!” followed up with the ‘obvious’ reasons – their age, their town, the kids, the available choices – and of course the ubiquitous, “All the good ones are taken!”
I consider being Single a gift. At what other time do you have before you this kind of opportunity to build the life of your dreams … regardless of your age! Your only thought needs to be that nothing spoils that dream!
If you’ve ever been to one of my Singles events, you know I subscribe to living life with eyes wide open – being present, positive, and authentic! And when it comes to dating to meet Mr. or Ms. Right, I will tell you there is nothing more important than being fully present. Your future happiness depends on it.
Statistics confirm that Couples are in trouble. Divorce is splitting families apart and always leaves the kids to share a large part of the painful aftermath. The ripple effect on society is far-reaching and destructive.
How did this happen and what can be done? I think we should start at the beginning … with how we go about choosing our partners.
As wonderful as it is, there’s one little hitch that we have to pay attention to. I feel like such a kill-joy right now! I’m sorry, but this is important!
“Good Chemistry’ is at the top of everyone’s list for love, seemingly the very barometer for a life of bliss and happiness, BUT allowing this feeling to overwhelm your choice of partner could cause you a lifetime of pain and heartache. Did I get your attention?
The fact is, ‘good chemistry’ is actually a natural but very potent cocktail of hormones that can wreak havoc with your rational mind. I won’t list all the hormones involved here, but suffice it to say, when Cupid picks up his bow and lets the arrow fly, you won’t see it coming and you won’t know what happened to you!
We’re hard-wired to meet and marry based on superficial attractions. It worked for the early Cavemen whose immediate needs were easily met by procreation, but as you can imagine, this surge of hormones no longer comes even close to satisfying our long-term needs of happiness and fulfillment.
Under the spell of new romance, we react to many different kinds of subliminal attractions ranging from strong physical and sexual to monetary and status attractions. Without understanding why, we unwittingly slide into relationships that have no staying power.
Whew! Having said all that, attraction is a precious elixir to life and love! So how do we make conscious choices without ending up with potluck???
We have to consciously balance our heads with our hearts!
To make this very clear and memorable, let me ask you this …
What are the TWO skills a pilot MUST have? ANSWER: A Pilot must be able to both take off AND land the plane.
Applying that metaphor to love and romance, good Chemistry gives you lift off. Are you with me?
But to land this plane, you need more. You need to have a crystal clear vision of who you are and what you want your life to look like in the future.
BEFORE you begin your search for THE ONE, take stock and make these preparations so that you don’t crash land:
- Make sure you’re at your best when you begin your search for lasting love with your ideal partner because you will attract someone who is at the same degree of ‘ready’ or ‘complete’ as you are. That’s the Law of Attraction at work. If you’re not ‘ready’, it can actually work against you.
- Create a map of YOU including what makes you tick, what’s important to you, what you can and can’t tolerate, what personal gifts and talents you want someone to appreciate about you. The more grounded you are in your own needs, the less overwhelmed you’ll be by the presence of someone else’s.
Once you have completed your 360, you can date with abandon, more or less, because you won’t be searching for the list of credentials you made up for the ‘perfect’ man or woman.
You won’t be tempted to fall for the first guy or girl who says, “I love you”. And they won’t look like your favorite movie star or act like your favorite superhero.
The usual strategy, to date casually until you meet THE ONE, sounds perfectly reasonable to most people. However, this is exactly how relationships wind up in divorce. Big leap, I know.
Why? Because people get stuck in incompatible relationships from which they can’t disengage.
They press on regardless of their incompatibility because they don’t know what to say to extricate themselves …until one day they blow up and leave in a storm of anger and hurt.
Over time they realize the relationship isn’t right for them, but they rationalize it because it’s just too hard to end it. This happens all the time!
People marry people they hardly know and certainly don’t love because it’s too hard to turn back.
The antidote to blindly succumbing to this highly seductive hormonal brew is to keep the metaphor of the plane in mind.
- Create your plan BEFORE you start dating seriously. Until you’re ready, just date Mr./Ms. RIGHT NOW. If you find it’s difficult to do this on your own, I’ll help you.
- Know that without a plan, hormonally charged “Chemistry” will take over your rational mind and blind you of the bigger picture. Enjoy the ride!
- Look for someone who aligns with your desired life plan so that you don’t slip into a ‘test-drive relationship’, which will steal years of your life.
Of course there are MANY pieces to a successful committed relationship, but we can talk more about those later. For now this is a VERY sound place to start.
Need help creating your Relationship Plan?
Struggling with the question, Should I stay or should I go? That’s a tough one that haunts people for years if they don’t get help.
Are you dating to find your Soul Mate? Let’s talk! Please contact me at CandaceBrindley@gmail.com.